Flourish Mindset, Marriage & Family Therapy

View Original

5 Signs it’s Time for Couples Therapy

Hanna Stensby

Are My Relationship Issues Normal?

If you are in a relationship, chances are you have had some challenges at some point. Wondering if what you are experiencing is just a normal bump in the road of a healthy relationship? How do you know when it is time to call a professional and start couples therapy? We have put together the following article to help guide you through the signs it's time for couples therapy based on our experience as couples therapists at Flourish Mindset in Walnut Creek, CA.

1.You and Your Partner Can’t Disagree Without  Escalating Into a Fight

Part of being in a relationship is disagreement and being able to navigate conflict in a healthy way. According to Dr. John Gottman, founder of the Gottman Method  Couples therapy, couples who have long-term satisfaction in their marriages are able to have healthy conflict communication. If you are noticing that you and your partner escalate disagreements into full-blown arguments; yelling, walking out of the room, or talking over each other, it's time for couples therapy. If you notice that it is difficult for you to listen to your partner’s perspective without immediately reacting based on strong feelings, you could benefit from tools taught in couples therapy to help you truly hear one another and find understanding.

Learn How to Compromise on Tough Issues

Couples therapy can help you learn how to compromise on tough issues that seem insurmountable. Conflict is a normal part of any relationship. The key is learning how to have healthy conflict so that you stay connected to your partner and grow together as you encounter differing viewpoints and challenges to make your relationship even stronger. 

2.You Feel Resentful of Your Partner

If you notice you are irritated with your partner more often than not, are annoyed by their behaviors, and are unable to accept them as they are, this is a sign to explore couples therapy. Resentment is insidious to relationships and can lead to contempt which is one of the Gottman Method’s 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse and leads to breakup or divorce in 89% of relationships where it is present.

Resentment Changes Our Behavior Toward Our Partners

Resentment may not seem like a big deal at first, especially if it's just present for you internally. Don’t be fooled. Resentment leads us to change our behavior toward our partners and can cloud our appreciation, and love toward them. It can also cause disconnection and increase conflict. Feeling resentful in your relationship is unpleasant for you and your partner and is best relieved with the support of a trained couples therapist who can guide you to be able to express your feelings and needs in a constructive way. 

3.You Criticize Your Partner or Vice Versa

Do you critique the way your partner dresses, talks, or their personality? While it may seem that sarcastic comments are all in good fun, criticism can be harmful to your relationship. Criticism is another of the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse noted above. It leads to defensiveness, or disconnection in relationships and diminishes emotional safety and trust.

Criticizing Can Be a Hard Habit to Break

For many people, criticism was normalized in their family growing up. It can happen unintentionally and be a hard habit to break. If you find that you or your partner are making critical statements it is worth addressing. Seeking couples therapy is a great way to unlearn old patterns of criticism and find ways to communicate your needs, giving feedback without criticizing one another. 

4.You Don’t Feel Comfortable Sharing Your Honest Feelings With Your Partner

Being open and honest with your partner is a core part of a healthy relationship. If you feel uncomfortable sharing your true feelings, while it may subvert conflict momentarily, it will cause issues long term. Whether you are avoiding sharing openly in order to protect your partner or because you are unsure how to express yourself, it is important to learn the skills to express your feelings honestly.

The Need For Clearly Defined Expectations

This could also be a sign that you have not clearly identified your expectations for your relationship or are avoiding a topic that could be a deal breaker. Whatever the root cause of discomfort, a couples therapist can help guide you through the process of opening up to one another. 

5.You Are in a Relationship Crisis

If you have recently experienced infidelity, a loss of a child, major fight, or are dealing with another traumatic event, seeking support through couples therapy sooner rather than later will increase your chances of repairing and healing. Research shows that most couples wait an average of 7 years to come in for support to couples therapy. By this point, unhealthy patterns have set in and years of hurt have built up.

Healing is More Effective When Issues Are Addressed immediately

While it is possible to heal from relationship crises years afterward, the process is faster and the repair more effective with less time elapsing after the challenging event. Don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Just like you would if you experienced a physical injury, seek the support you need to heal properly and avoid complications later on.

Ready to take the next step towards finding ease and repair in your relationship?

Check out our Therapists who have advanced training in relationships and Gottman Method couples therapy to find a therapist who can support you on your relationship journey. 

BEGIN COUPLES THERAPY IN WALNUT CREEK, CA TODAY

If you are struggling in your relationship and are unsure how to reconnect, Couples Therapy in Walnut Creek, CA can help you improve communication and connect on a deeper, more meaningful level. At FLOURISH MINDSET our SKILLED TEAM OF THERAPISTS understands that each person’s journey to healing is unique and may require unique treatment options. If you are in need of support and guidance follow the simple steps below to get started on the road to healing!