Build Love Maps to Deepen Your Connection with Your Partner, Improve Communication, and Build a Strong Foundation for Your Relationship

Let’s be honest, if you have not done couples therapy before, it can feel overwhelming and confusing not fully understanding what to expect throughout the process. The Gottman Method of couples therapy has a specific structure and format that can help make sense of the perplexity. Building love maps is the foundational practice of the Gottman Method. This article works to explain what love maps are, why they are important in strong and long-lasting relationships and offers some confidence and hope for taking the powerful journey of couples therapy one step at a time. 

What is a love map and Why is it important? 

Romantic relationships require a few base blocks to create a foundation of strength, longevity, and intimacy. One of these cornerstones is simply - knowing your partner. This is a practice that is present throughout a relationship. It is a way to piece together the lens that your partner views the world through. As dynamic beings with rich histories and evolving futures, there is never a point in a relationship where one can fully know everything about their partner. We are all constantly changing and new values, dreams, and fears emerge. Therefore, there is always something to learn. 

Love maps help couples work toward and accomplish this practice. They act as aids that give a general outline of the history, pivotal growth moments, challenges, important relationships, and shadow parts of each partner in a relationship. They are important because when one has understanding of their partner’s worldview, they can be more empathetic and therefore support and connect with them more authentically and intimately. Gottman Method couples therapists are excellent resources in guiding couples through this process and consistently building this as a strength factor of the relationship.

How to Build Love Maps

The word “map” is a little deceiving. It is not necessarily a visual aid (however, it can be!). The best way to understand love maps is as a hypothetical map. They are created through intentional conversation. The most common way to build a love map is by referencing a list of questions and taking turns answering them as a couple. Some people find lists of “get to know your partner” questions online or in card games. Others may create a list of questions themselves. 

An important feature to know about building love maps is that it is an evolving process. It would be impossible to sit down and interview one another and expect to gather everything you need to know about your partner in a day. Rest assured, there is no way to master this process. Instead, it may be more empowering to trust that it is not the amount of information you learn about your partner that matters. It is the quality and effort that goes into wanting to know more about your partner that makes building love maps an enjoyable and worthwhile practice. 

Without intentionally making time to get familiar with the inners and outers of your partner, you may be unintentionally skipping over the opportunities to deepen intimacy. Love maps are a way for partners to learn about one another - not necessarily learn about themselves. The love maps method is best experienced when partners are in the practice of their own self-awareness. If you are still finding any or all of this to be overwhelming, you can trust that a trained Gottman Method couple therapist can be a useful resource in guiding these new processes and helping explore the couple and the individuals.

How can love maps deepen connection and strengthen relationships?

It is one thing to know what love maps are and why they matter. It is another thing to truly understand its impact on the relationship. The Gottman Method is founded on years of intense research. The plethora of data collected over time found that the cornerstone of “knowing your partner” deepens the connection between two people and provides the opportunity to build strength in a relationship. The reason behind this is empathy. Understanding and then sharing the feelings of your partner allows for one to relate to another and provide support more authentically. Gottman Method couples therapists and other couples therapists alike will agree that empathy is a key ingredient to genuine connection in romantic relationships. 

What is the role of a couples therapist in building love maps? How can Flourish Mindset help?

It is more than common for couples to find themselves disconnected from one another and needing support in getting back on the same wavelength. Flourish Mindset is a safe space to find couples therapists in Los Angeles serving a diverse groups of people with varying needs. Flourish Mindset therapists are Gottman Method trained couples therapists offering in person and online couples therapy for relationships desiring greater intimacy, searching for reconnection, and overcoming the obstacles that relationships inevitably face. 

Their role in helping couples build their love maps is guiding partnerships toward meaningfully connecting “map-building” material and keeping them accountable for staying on their route. A trained therapist will shed light on shadow areas so that individuals within a couple will be able to increase their own self-awareness and strengthen their opportunity for connection with their partners.

Start Working with A Couples Therapist in Walnut Creek, CA

For couples looking for marriage counseling in Los Angeles or online couples therapy, preview Flourish Mindset therapists here and schedule a free consultation. Explore the possibility of change in your relationship with a trained and supportive counselor by your side. 

Other Services Offered with Flourish Mindset

COUPLES THERAPY isn’t the only service offered by our team of caring therapists. We are happy to offer a variety of services in support of your mental health. These include in-person therapy options in Los Angeles and ONLINE THERAPY options across California. Other mental health support offered includes DEPRESSION THERAPY, EMDR THERAPY, and CHILD AND TEEN THERAPY. We also offer ANXIETY THERAPY, KETAMINE THERAPY, and THERAPY FOR SEXUAL TRAUMA.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

SAVANNAH JAOUHARI, M.A. APCC, NCC, (Supervised by Hanna Stensby) is a Gottman Trained Couples therapist and registered provider, and advocate with the Postpartum Support International, and supports parents who are struggling with Postpartum Blues and PMAD (perinatal mood and anxiety disorders). She helps couples find healthy ways to move through conflict, create shared meaning, and stay connected despite facing life challenges.